I was going through some old letters that I received since freshman year when I came across this note from Sister Dorothy Sayers, a nun from my parish. In her note for me, she wrote, “Dear Martin, may your first day in the seminary be the beginning of a love story with Jesus Christ.”
I could not have put it better to summarize what my journey at St. John Vianney was all about. It has been indeed a love story – a story of learning to love the Lord, and more importantly, learning to be loved by him. Learning to be loved by God seems to me almost as hard as learning to love him, if not to say a lot harder.
Often, it seems so easy for us to believe and tell other people that God loves them despite of their own weaknesses and sinfulness. But how hard it is for us to believe that God, too, loves us in the midst of our own imperfections. Truly it seems much easier to point at someone and say: “God loves you,” than to look in the mirror and tell ourselves that, “God loves me too.” We are our worst judge because in many ways we are aware of our sins and our less-than-perfect self, and as a result we tend to think that we do not deserve God’s love. Without knowing it, we place conditions and barriers on God’s unconditional love.
Recognizing and accepting his love is one of the lessons I strive to grasp for the last four years.
A story came to my mind, a story of a young couple who was sitting on a bench looking at the sunset. The lady turned to her boyfriend and asked, “Why do you love me? Was it because of my beauty?” The boyfriend stayed silent for a while, then said, “I cannot give you the answer now. But one day, I will show you.” The lady was rather disappointed but she said nothing. Not long after their conversation, she got into a terrible accident which left her with many scars on her face. Her, once so beautiful, appearance now troubled anyone who looked at her. She was depressed thinking that her boyfriend would abandon her.
To her surprise, he did not leave her. He was always by her side day and night. His love for her seemed stronger than ever. Could not hold her curiosity any longer, one day, she confessed, “After my accident, I thought I would lose you.” Smiling at her, the boyfriend said, “Remember a while ago you asked me why I loved you? If I said I love you just because of who you are, not your appearance, I was sure you would not believe me. But now I can prove it to you. I love you, just because of who you are.”
The love story between the Lord and me is the same.
“In finem dilexit eos” – “He loves them to the end.”
A simple and concise verse, but eloquently portrays the beauty of God’s unconditional love.
This verse was taken from the Gospel of St. John during the Last Supper. Let us picture for a moment the scene of this meal.
There Jesus sat among his friends with a heavy heart knowing that he was to enter into tremendous sufferings. He who is the model of perfection sat there to have a meal with some major characters of imperfections:
Peter, Andrew, James and John – the first four whom he called – were hardcore fishermen who most likely were masters in the art of foul language. Peter (O, I just love him) was as impulsive as possible with a quick mouth that went much faster that his reason. James and John were extremely hot-headed and rather ambitious.
Thomas was doubtful. Philip was pretty dim witted. Simon was a rebel who probably got himself into several heated “debates” with Matthew, a tax-collector.
There Jesus sat knowing that soon Judas would betray him, Peter would deny him three times, and the rest of his friends would abandon him. There he sat – the perfect among the imperfects. Yet “he loves them to the end.”
In each of us exist that Peter, Andrew, James, John, Thomas, Philip, Simon and Judas. In each of us exist those flaws which those disciples had within themselves.
Each of us has at least once let our anger, ambitions, ignorance, impulsiveness, and fears overtake our heart, a place which should be reserved only for Christ. Just like the disciples, we have let lesser things have a more important place than Christ himself.
But Christ did love the disciples in their own sinfulness and imperfections, so does he love us in our own sinfulness as well.
A holy priest from the Missionaries of Charity Fathers wrote these beautiful words in his reflection I Thirst for You, “You don’t need to change to believe in My love, for it will be your belief in My love that will change you.”
It is indeed so. Christ’s love knows no boundaries. Christ’s love looks beyond the ugliness of sins and defects. Christ’s love only seeks the face of the beloved – ours. And it is in this awesome love that my formation has taken place. It is in this awesome love that I am being changed into the person He wants me to be.
What a beautiful love story of a God who looks beyond my human imperfections!
What a beautiful love story of a God who loves me, not because of anything I have accomplished, but, merely because of who I am!
“Just as the Father has loved me, so have I loved you” (Jn 15:9)
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