In less than two months, we will bring this year of formation to an end. I, too, will be reaching the finish line of my journey here at St. John Vianney. Looking back, I can say with all sincerity that the journey has been incredibly grace-filled. The four years spent here at this wonderful institution were not without trials and difficulties, but they were also filled with many blessings and joys, and the difficulties were nothing in compare to the joys I have had. I am contented.
As I am striving hard to reach the finish line, it seems quite necessary that I should quiet myself down in the midst of the hectic schedule of academics and other duties to reflect on the calling which I have received from our Lord Jesus.
I wish to use my three favorite verses from the New Testament as the topics for the three reflections I am to write:
“Ecce ancilla Domini, fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum” (Lc 1:38)
“In finem dilexit eos” (In 13:1)
“Domine, tu scis ominia, tu scis quia amo te” (In 21: 17)
I decided to share these reflections, especially to those brothers of mine who will continue their journey at the St. John's. Hopefully, my words can express the love I have for this vocation. What I share probably is nothing new or extraordinary to most of you. But, sometime graces do not lie in the extraordinary, rather in the simplicity of a heart desires to follow God.
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The first reflection will be on the radical “Yes” that God demands on the ones he has called.
I have always been very fond of this verse from the Annunciation recounted in the Gospel of St. Luke. The Virgin Mary, a young maiden, was called by the Most High to partake in His Salvific plan. He asked her to receive into her womb the Savior of the World. Anyone who was in their right mind would be terrified out of their wits at such a request.
Moreover, from a practical standpoint, such a request could result in severe punishment for Mary. She was a virgin who had been betrothed to Joseph. She had not been taken to his house yet, and God was asking her to carry a baby in her womb. According to the Jewish custom, she would have been stoned to death. I am sure Mary was quite aware of this fact.
Fearful and confused she was, but because God had asked, she accepted his will. A simple, quiet “Fiat” uttered in complete abandonment to the will of God has completely change the course of history. Mary’s fiat has enabled the great mystery of God-became-man. All were done in trusting that “Nothing is impossible for God” (Lk 1:37).
Mary’s calling to be the Mother of the Redeemer reflects the mystery of every vocation. Just last Sunday, we heard of the call of Abraham to leave his homeland to journey to the land which God has promised him. God asked from Abraham a great deal of trust to leave his kinsmen and his comforts to go to an unknown land. God asked Abraham to leave behind everything that was dear and familiar. And Abraham, in turn, had uttered a radical response to follow God’s calling.
August 9th 2007, God asked the same of me.
It was probably one of the hardest choices that I have ever made. That time, my mother was ill and out of job. She didn’t have a definite place to live, and I was all that she had. I was torn between wanting to stay so as to help my mother out and wanting to go to the seminary in response to the calling that I was quite certain that God has called me to.
I was very close to call off the seminary plan. Thankfully, I did not. I left for the seminary as the day came in trusting that God would provide for and take care of my mother. Looking back, I could not help but thinking “Jeez, God was really asking a lot from a seventeen-year-old!”
It has been four years since I made that choice. It has been four years since I said that “yes” to the journey of seminary. I have not regretted it. God has been taking care of my mother. And I am happy with the life I am living. I have not regretted saying yes to God.
I am certain that those who are called by God ought to face the process of letting go and embracing the unknown. And that is scary. We all like things to be certain. No one would really like to dive into the pit of uncertainty. Moreover, the process of letting go is never easy.
All of us have things we want to hold on to: the easy and comfortable life we had at home, the ex-girlfriends we have a hard time getting off our minds, friends, or the freedom to do whatever, to go wherever and whenever we want, and so on. The worst of all that hold us back is fear: fear of failure, fear of the lack of control, fear of our own weaknesses and unworthiness.
God asks us to let go of them all, maybe not at once, but slowly he asks us let go of them all. God asks us to trust in him for whom nothing is impossible. God asks us to let go so that we can be free to follow him. God waits for that “yes” from us so that he can use it to change the world. Will we let him?
Lead me and guide me, O Lord,
For the path I have chosen
is filled with uncertainty and many trials.
Take away from me fears and disbeliefs.
Grant me, in place, your strength and your grace
that I may unreservedly respond
“yes”
to whatever you are to ask of me.
Above all, Lord,
May I always have you in my mind and in my heart,
For, Lord Jesus,
You are my God and my All
Amen
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