A sad and terrifying story that I came across:
We have been childhood friends. She was in a nursing home. I went occasionally to visit her. When I entered, she stood there, defiant as ever, half expecting my embrace. But I averted my eyes and we sat down. She always had a sharp tongue and she went on about life’s ingratitude, her unfaithful lovers, and the deplorable people here. After a half hour, I rose to leave. Again, the half expected embrace side-stepped. Suppose she broke down and cried? I couldn’t handle that. And, then, her sharp tongue. What would she say? So I pleaded I had to get home to attend to things, it would be hard to get a taxi, I would be late, I would have to go, and so on. We shook hands politely and I left. Two months later I called. The nurse informed me that my friend had committed suicide. I killed her. I didn’t drop poison in her water or slit her throat, but I killed her. I starved her to death. She was hungry for companion, friendship, a touch, an embrace, a kiss, my time, my time, my time. And I couldn’t give any of those things. I just couldn’t. I killed her.(**)
We often flattered ourselves as the biggest sinners. But, honestly, how many of us how committed homicide or rape? How many of us have cheated billions of dollars or be involved in terrorist acts? No, no, we are no big sinners. We commit small sins; some are too small and too insignificant to get our attention. These are like small drops of arsenic, not deadly in small amounts, but consumed gradually can lead to fatal death.
Let’s look at one of them – the sin of “wanting to be left alone.”
The Gospel today tells us the story of the rich man and the leper Lazarus. The rich man, as the Gospel recounted, did not commit in any despicable sinful acts. He was man of many riches, and of course, he did have the right to enjoy what he had – Nothing wrong about that.
What then went wrong that caused the rich man to be sent to hell? Jesus certainly did not condemn rich people. He had many rich friends too. But, what then was the problem that caused the rich man’s damnation.
Things went horribly wrong when he wanted to be left alone to enjoy his own riches, he wanted to be left alone to mind his own business, he wanted to be left alone to refuse to see the poor Lazarus lying by his doorsteps wishing to eat the scraps from the his table.
The rich man only committed the sin of “wanting to be left alone,” which we can replace with a simple term – INDIFFERENCE.
We certainly are not like that rich man. We would love to care for those in need around us. We would love to, but we just haven’t got time.
O, the eternal song of “I haven’t got time.”
Yes, we are so busy with school, with work, with this activity and that activity. We are busy attending this conference and be a part of that event. We are so busy that we haven’t got time to care.
Parents have no time for children. Husband and wife have no time for each other. Friends have no time for friends.
We are too busy to look around to see if there is anyone who is in need, perhaps a member of our family, or a friend. It is not that we are bad people; we just don’t have time; and we prefer to be left alone.
After all, we have enough problems of our own. We don’t want to hear other people’s life problems. We have enough complains of our own; why listening to others’?
After all, difficult people are burdensome and tiresome to be around.
After all, we haven’t got time.
No, no, we commit no big sins, only those small and festering sins of wanting to be left alone, just the small sins of being indifferent, just the small sins of emptiness that we could have filled, but didn’t – the sins of not saying, “I am sorry,” or “I love you,” or “you mean more to me than anything else in the world, “or “I am here for you.”
We are not big sinners; after all, we only commit small sins – the sins:
Of apologies withheld,
Of comfort suppressed,
Of affirmation denied,
Of embraces ungiven,
Of love unspoken. (**)
They are so small. They are so insignificant. We haven’t got time to care.
(**) Rev. William Bausch, Once Upon A Gospel.
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