"Tossing and Sinking" - Reflection for the 19th Sunday of Ordinary Time Year A

The inspiration for this reflection came as I knelt in Bishop Dorsey’s private chapel praying night prayer in the midst of a violent storm outside. The weather itself seemed to reflect the sentiment of my heart. In less than two weeks, I will once more leave home for the major seminary. Yet, there is much which is weighing down my mind and burdening my heart.

Just like many people throughout the country, my family too is struggling to make it through. We labor much but still do not make enough to meet the means of life. At times, walking by my mother’s bedroom, I poked my head inside to see her tossing and turning to catch a difficult sleep while worrying about the work tomorrow. My heart was throbbed with the pain and the desire to be able to do something to help…

Listening to the thunders and the strong wind hitting on the glass windows, my mind is cast back to the night upon the sea which is the Gospel of this Sunday. It was also a stormy night. Jesus had sent his disciples to precede him to the other side as he went off to the mountain to pray. The disciples’ boat was tossed about by the strong waves and the wind was against it. Their safety was at risk, and they, too, struggle to survive.

Amid all this, Jesus came to them walking on the water. It is needless to say how terrified they must have felt seeing someone strolling on the surface of the water in the middle of a violent sea storm. The only reasonable explanation, of course, is that it was a ghost they were seeing.

But at once, Jesus attempted to calm their nerves saying, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.”

Now the story got interesting as Peter, the master of compulsiveness, called out, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” And, the Lord allowed him to come.

Yet, as he saw how strong the wind and the waves were, Peter, who had been walking on the water toward Jesus, became overwhelmed with fear. He began to sink. Desperate and terrified, he cried, “Lord, save me!”

“Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught Peter,” the Scriptures told us, and then came the punch line, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

The story of today’s Scriptures reflects well the stories of our life.

How often do we feel like our “boats” are being tossed about?

How often do we, like Peter, find ourselves sinking because of the demands of life, because of the struggles for survival, because of unwanted illnesses, loss of a job or an opportunity, financial crisis, family problems, personal problems, betrayals, disappointments, addictions, etc.

How often do we find ourselves desperately crying out, “Lord, save me!”

Even so, the problems just don’t seem to go away!

A week ago, I and a permanent deacon from my parish were having a conversation in the sacristy a few minutes before mass. He began by asking me a rather interesting question,

-          So how is your journey of faith?

Given it some thought, I answered,

-          Trying everyday to be a better friend for Jesus.

My answer on the surface seemed to have nothing to do with the question, but it was indeed my very honest answer, for what is the journey of faith but striving to be closer to our Lord Jesus and developing a relationship with him as a person – in my case, as a friend.

Befriending Jesus means accepting his invitation to abandon “the boat” – the only means of security – to come to him despite the raging storm. Thus, it goes without saying that befriending him also means learning to place confidence and trust in him. This task is, by no means, easy to carry out, because, just like Peter, we often let ourselves be overwhelmed with fears and anxiety as we see the strong winds. Just like Peter, we took our gaze of the Lord and began to sink.

The philosopher Blasé Pascal famously said, “The heart has its reason that reason knows not.” Trusting in the Lord and completely abandoning ourselves to his care with confidence seemingly require us to close our eyes to the perception of impossibilities by our reasoning, and listen to the voice of our hearts telling us, “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) and that “nothing is impossible for God” (Luke 1:42).

Our journey of faith, in the midst of the difficulties of life, is indeed a battle against the tossing of the winds. Moreover, our journey of faith is, in fact, a strive to listen to the voice of God speaking in the depth of our hearts – an invitation to place complete confidence in Him – not as a mere concept, but as a person, a good friend, a loving and caring God.

For once he steps into our boats, the winds will die down and the storm will eventually be subsided.

Perhaps, this little prayer should serve well as the ending of our reflection today,

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

Amen.

 --Reinhold Niebuhr